Since we have had a number of people lately ask us the status of our adoption, I figured it was time for an 18 month check-in. It has officially been 18 months as of April since we started waiting on the call for baby #2! Let's just say that God has taught me a lot in these past 18 months. In particular from a very sweet and special conversation with Caleb a week ago.
As Caleb was getting out of the bathtub last Monday night, April 24th, he looked at me with a question that turned into a moment of just sitting and crying and saying "I hear you God!"
Caleb: Mommy, when is God going to give us a baby!
Me: (with a lump in my throat because this is a common question he asks)....God will give us a baby when He feels the timing is perfect! We just have to be patient! I promise that you will be a big brother one day!
Caleb: I'm already a big brother....God just hasn't brought the baby yet!
Me: What do you mean?
Caleb: God already has the baby. It's just not here yet!
As Caleb walked away, I just sat on the bathroom floor and sobbed. God used the most innocent of moments and conversations to remind me that He already has a baby picked out for us but it's just not here yet. Now, since that moment, yes Caleb keeps asking and praying every night for God to bring us a baby and we keep repeating the same answer over and over again. But, I know that in that moment God was whispering to my heart "I already have the baby picked out for you! Just wait!"
Now, have the past 18 months been easy! HECK NO! I can't tell you how many times I have cried and prayed and hoping for answers. We have now waited almost 9 months longer than we waited for Caleb! We have actually waited the length of 2 normal pregnancies for most people! It would be like being pregnant for twice the length of a normal pregnancy and not knowing when the baby would arrive. Haha! That is pretty much our world. April was a hard month for me personally as we had to go through the process of renewing our paperwork with our adoption agency, paying a renewal fee, and scheduling a check-in home study for next Monday to update our records as they do this when families have been waiting for 18 months. I've had my moments of being frustrated and anxious and questioning when will it be our turn. It's funny because in those moments and on those bad days is when Caleb tends to ask "when will God bring us a baby" and I find myself having to listen to my own words that God will bring us a baby but we just have to be patient and keep waiting for His perfect timing!
Like I said before, this wait has not been easy at all! I truly feel that in some ways it has been harder than the wait for Caleb. BUT, I know my God is good and His plan is perfect. While I very much have my human moments with longings to be a mom for the 2nd time and waiting to see how God reveals His plan, I do know that God is weaving together a beautiful tapestry like none other to tell the story of this next angel! I don't know how this story will unfold with the next baby! I pray with everything in me that the next little one will arrive SOON but even if we never get that phone call I know God has a perfect plan for our family of 3 and we will love and cherish these moments we have together! So in case you were wondering.....we are still waiting! :)