Moments We Will Never Forget As We Wait

I know sometimes people don't know what to say or ask about our adoption, so I figured I would give a quick update.  We are still waiting and waiting and waiting.  We have been waiting technically since October 2015, so we are almost at a year of waiting!  I figured it would go by quicker and easier having Caleb this time around to help keep us distracted, but I think Caleb is just as excited about a new baby, and tired of the waiting, as we are.  Who knew a 3 year old could literally ask the same question EVERYDAY for almost a year!  Who knew it would be so hard to explain to a 3 year old the concept of waiting!  Between going back to Disney and when will we get a new baby, I'm not sure which gets asked more by him.  Oh well...we will keep waiting patiently!

Today as I was walking upstairs to my office I just felt the need to document some thoughts going through my mind as we wait.  I do write periodically, in part to update family and friends all over the country on where we are, but mainly it is for Kelly and I to never forget the emotions we felt during these waiting seasons. We don't want to forget how GOOD our God is, and how in those moments when we felt like nothing was happening, that it truly was God who was working behind the scenes in ways we didn't know.

So, in our house we do have a room set up for what will be the nursery.  It's hard to walk by this room everyday and sometimes I just want to shut the door, because looking into the room makes my heart hurt and makes me ask questions of God and become impatient.  However, I don't want to shut the door because leaving the door open reminds me to pray for our future baby and the birthparents.  Leaving the door open helps us teach Caleb the value in patience, waiting on the Lord, and trusting in Him and His plans, which brings me to my 1st picture.  

This past Saturday we picked up a new rocker for the nursery.  We bought this rocker because the one we had with Caleb was donated to us (thank you so much to a sweet family). While we will always treasure this rocker, and the memories we have of holding Caleb and reading to him, we also learned that my lovely 6'5" giant of a husband was not as comfortable sitting in this rocker as I was.  Haha!  It was one of those scenes when he put Caleb to bed where his head was hanging over the back every night!  While I on the other hand was perfectly comfortable each time I sat in it.  So, a big TO DO for us was buying a rocker that Kelly could enjoy this time around, too!  When I look at this rocker it makes me hold on to the fact that I TRUST our God and know that in His PERFECT timing He will bring us a baby.  No, we don't have everything we need for a baby, because honestly we don't know if we will have a boy or girl. However, we do have the essential furniture.  We are preparing and planning because we know that God WILL provide us with a baby.  We may not know when or how, but we know that He WILL, and I can put my trust and faith in Him!  He brought us the perfect son in Caleb and I know He will do it again with the next baby!  

You will see in the chair a blanket that says "Dream Big Little One."  In our house we have established the mindset that we can dream BIG dreams and know that we have a BIG God that loves us and has BIG dreams for us, too.  Plus, I bought this blanket because I just had this feeling that I needed it.  There are a couple of things in the nursery that I have purchased over the past few months because my instinct tells me to buy it.  As many of you remember, my instincts were not wrong at all with the time and arrival of Caleb.  I know God is preparing my heart and moving in ways that I cannot see right now.  So in the meantime, I will follow His leading and know that He is working on something BIGGER than I can ever imagine!

Here is the other special moment in this waiting process that I absolutely NEVER want to forget.  To the average person in the picture below you will see 3 Thirty-One products.  Now I know you may be thinking, you work for Thirty-One, so what does that have to do with your waiting process and adoption.  It's because in these 3 items God reminded me that He is in control and He is working something out BIG for our next adoption.  On July 20, 2016 I had multiple packages arrive for a recent fundraiser I did for a local Children's Home.  I used the Hostess Rewards from the order to buy some more gifts for the fundraiser, but then I decided to buy for myself what we call a "Mystery Bundle" with the hostess rewards.  Anyone that orders this bundle has no way of knowing what comes in the bundle until it arrives.  Well when I started opening this box and I pulled out the bag with the bundle in it, which was tightly taped, so I couldn't see what was inside. I could, however, see through a tiny hole a get a glimpse of the pattern of one item.  In that moment, my heart dropped and I lost my breathe for a second and dropped the bag before I opened it.  In that moment I heard God lay on my heart this phrase - "Trust me.  I've got this!"  You see this pattern is the EXACT pattern that I have planned and purchased to go in the nursery from day one of us starting the adoption process.  You see out of a warehouse of tens of thousands of products that could have been in MY Mystery Bundle God made sure that these 3 items in this pattern made its way to my house!  No one else would have understood that sign, because that sign and that moment was intended just for me as a reassurance from God that He is in control and He has a plan.  God is SOOOO GOOD!

So you may wonder or ask how we can wait for so long on a baby? Honestly, somedays I don't know.  Somedays I just want to cry and ask God WHY is He making the wait so long.  But then there are these reminders that I look at daily, which give me the strength and encouragement to make it through the next day, to know that MY God is in control and His ways and His time are always perfect!  So, we will keep waiting and thanking God in advance for the plans He is working on and the baby we will one day hold in our arms!

Lindsey

I Will Trust In You...

I will trust in you....

The statement "I will trust in you" are 5 simple words that I know we have all said many times in our conversations with God, especially in moments where life just doesn't make sense.  I know I have said them plenty of times.  However, I find myself saying it more often in the past few weeks as we are once again in a season of waiting on God and how He will answer prayers that we have!  Lately, God has answered 2 large prayers for our family that we have in a short period of time.  While I begin to wonder if He is preparing the way for the BIGGEST prayer we have right now I also find myself wondering what if the wait could be a lot longer than we expected.  In these moments, I will crank up the song above and belt it out with all my heart as tears stream down my face!  

I know I shouldn't be surprised by the emotions I feel or by the wait because we have been through this before but once again I find myself just wondering when God is going to answer our prayer and how He will work it all out.  There are so many questions in my mind about the timeline, the specifics, the finances, the emotions, etc that I just wish I had answers to.  I thought it would be easier with the wait for the 2nd child.  I figured "Caleb will keep us busy enough that we won't notice the wait."  However, now that we are sitting 6 months into the wait and almost a year since we started the paperwork, I am beginning to get a little antsy.  Caleb is longing to be a BIG Brother and asks us everyday when will we get a baby, which breaks my heart as we try to explain what our "normal" is and why we can't have a baby as quickly as others can.  Maybe it's the fact that I have had to begin to explain to him why other mommies can carry babies in their tummy but I can't, which is why we have to wait on God to bring us the most perfect baby for our family.  Maybe it's the dream of having a large family seems harder to foresee happening due to the cost and process of adoption.  However, if you ask Caleb, he will tell you that we are getting some where between 2 to 5 babies!  Yes, you read that right!  Oh the funny things kids say! Maybe it's that we haven't had a designated room for the next child so it has helped the wait go by without noticing it much.  But now that we are moving into a different house (not moving cities but just down the street in case you were wondering), there will be a designated nursery for the next little one and the thought of having to pass by that room everyday without knowing when there will be a baby in it has made me a little anxious too.  I don't know what it is but I think the waiting is beginning to hit.  I feel like a piece of our family is missing and there is no definite timeline on when that piece will be found.  In the words of every adoption family, we are "paper pregnant" with no definite due date.  

BUT.....

Here is what I do know...

1) God gave Kelly and I the most perfect, amazing, sweet, hilarious, caring, loving, smart little boy when He brought Caleb into our lives.  His timing was absolutely perfect and Caleb's story is one that I can look back on and see how God knit everything together, even down to what will forever be called my "mother's intuition" on the day he was born and the day we got the call for him.

2) My God is a faithful, loving, and GOOD Father and I know that He has our best interest in mind.  As I have said before, as we waited on Caleb, EVEN IF God never answers our prayer for a 2nd child, I will still love Him, praise Him, and thank Him for all the other blessings in my life and most importantly for my salvation.  

3) God has given us a platform through our struggle, pain, tears, ups and down in infertility and adoption to make His name great and share how our God is faithful.  We consider it our honor and blessing to be able to help comfort, cry with, talk to, and share our story with others to help them through their own struggles. But most importantly we love to share through our story how we have been forever adopted as His children into the Kingdom of God when we come to Him and commit our life to Him.  If God allowed us to walk this journey to help others and point them towards Christ, then it's all worth it. 

So you may be asking why am I writing all of this?!?  Well honestly, when we went through our adoption journey with Caleb, writing some how seemed to help me release emotions and express what I was thinking.  Today, for some reason, everything has hit me with regards to the wait and how God will complete this next chapter in our journey for a 2nd child.  However, I also wanted to write this because I know there are women out there struggling and still waiting on that 1st child.  Some of you I know by name, some I don't.  I honestly feel bad for having these emotions since we already have adopted one child and some are still waiting on how God will make them parents for the 1st time.  I just want you to know that God loves you and has an AMAZING plan for you!  The most perfect child is out there and in God's sovereignty He already knows how all the details of His plan will work out to making you parents for the 1st time.  But trust me when I say this, while a child is the greatest blessing I could ever imagine and has brought Kelly and I so much joy in our lives, we must always remind ourselves that our joy needs to come from God first and foremost.  We need to find peace and rest in Him and Him alone.  Everything else is a blessing from God but He alone needs to be our firm foundation on which we stand!  

No matter what you are going through, know that you can trust in God!  He may not answer your prayers how you want or when you want but He will answer them in the most perfect way that is RIGHT for YOU!  So for now.....I continue to wait AND trust in God!

Lindsey