I Will Trust In You...

I will trust in you....

The statement "I will trust in you" are 5 simple words that I know we have all said many times in our conversations with God, especially in moments where life just doesn't make sense.  I know I have said them plenty of times.  However, I find myself saying it more often in the past few weeks as we are once again in a season of waiting on God and how He will answer prayers that we have!  Lately, God has answered 2 large prayers for our family that we have in a short period of time.  While I begin to wonder if He is preparing the way for the BIGGEST prayer we have right now I also find myself wondering what if the wait could be a lot longer than we expected.  In these moments, I will crank up the song above and belt it out with all my heart as tears stream down my face!  

I know I shouldn't be surprised by the emotions I feel or by the wait because we have been through this before but once again I find myself just wondering when God is going to answer our prayer and how He will work it all out.  There are so many questions in my mind about the timeline, the specifics, the finances, the emotions, etc that I just wish I had answers to.  I thought it would be easier with the wait for the 2nd child.  I figured "Caleb will keep us busy enough that we won't notice the wait."  However, now that we are sitting 6 months into the wait and almost a year since we started the paperwork, I am beginning to get a little antsy.  Caleb is longing to be a BIG Brother and asks us everyday when will we get a baby, which breaks my heart as we try to explain what our "normal" is and why we can't have a baby as quickly as others can.  Maybe it's the fact that I have had to begin to explain to him why other mommies can carry babies in their tummy but I can't, which is why we have to wait on God to bring us the most perfect baby for our family.  Maybe it's the dream of having a large family seems harder to foresee happening due to the cost and process of adoption.  However, if you ask Caleb, he will tell you that we are getting some where between 2 to 5 babies!  Yes, you read that right!  Oh the funny things kids say! Maybe it's that we haven't had a designated room for the next child so it has helped the wait go by without noticing it much.  But now that we are moving into a different house (not moving cities but just down the street in case you were wondering), there will be a designated nursery for the next little one and the thought of having to pass by that room everyday without knowing when there will be a baby in it has made me a little anxious too.  I don't know what it is but I think the waiting is beginning to hit.  I feel like a piece of our family is missing and there is no definite timeline on when that piece will be found.  In the words of every adoption family, we are "paper pregnant" with no definite due date.  

BUT.....

Here is what I do know...

1) God gave Kelly and I the most perfect, amazing, sweet, hilarious, caring, loving, smart little boy when He brought Caleb into our lives.  His timing was absolutely perfect and Caleb's story is one that I can look back on and see how God knit everything together, even down to what will forever be called my "mother's intuition" on the day he was born and the day we got the call for him.

2) My God is a faithful, loving, and GOOD Father and I know that He has our best interest in mind.  As I have said before, as we waited on Caleb, EVEN IF God never answers our prayer for a 2nd child, I will still love Him, praise Him, and thank Him for all the other blessings in my life and most importantly for my salvation.  

3) God has given us a platform through our struggle, pain, tears, ups and down in infertility and adoption to make His name great and share how our God is faithful.  We consider it our honor and blessing to be able to help comfort, cry with, talk to, and share our story with others to help them through their own struggles. But most importantly we love to share through our story how we have been forever adopted as His children into the Kingdom of God when we come to Him and commit our life to Him.  If God allowed us to walk this journey to help others and point them towards Christ, then it's all worth it. 

So you may be asking why am I writing all of this?!?  Well honestly, when we went through our adoption journey with Caleb, writing some how seemed to help me release emotions and express what I was thinking.  Today, for some reason, everything has hit me with regards to the wait and how God will complete this next chapter in our journey for a 2nd child.  However, I also wanted to write this because I know there are women out there struggling and still waiting on that 1st child.  Some of you I know by name, some I don't.  I honestly feel bad for having these emotions since we already have adopted one child and some are still waiting on how God will make them parents for the 1st time.  I just want you to know that God loves you and has an AMAZING plan for you!  The most perfect child is out there and in God's sovereignty He already knows how all the details of His plan will work out to making you parents for the 1st time.  But trust me when I say this, while a child is the greatest blessing I could ever imagine and has brought Kelly and I so much joy in our lives, we must always remind ourselves that our joy needs to come from God first and foremost.  We need to find peace and rest in Him and Him alone.  Everything else is a blessing from God but He alone needs to be our firm foundation on which we stand!  

No matter what you are going through, know that you can trust in God!  He may not answer your prayers how you want or when you want but He will answer them in the most perfect way that is RIGHT for YOU!  So for now.....I continue to wait AND trust in God!

Lindsey