This Thanksgiving I am thankful for the "Even If"!

Even if the healing doesn't come
And life falls apart
And dreams are still undone
You are God You are good
Forever faithful One
Even if the healing
Even if the healing doesn't come

~ Even If by Kutless

As many of you know we are still patiently or trying to patiently wait for a placement in our adoption.  However, while we have been waiting, God has been growing us as individuals and as a couple.  A month or two ago, God caused one single question to penetrate my heart and for me to really ponder my answer to the question.  The question was this "Even if I don't give you children, whether through pregnancy or adoption, will you still love me?" WOW!  What a question!  When you have been longing for something or struggling with a problem for so long, no matter what it is, it is hard to imagine and think that there is a chance that God's ultimate plan for your life is for that problem you are facing to never be removed.  I know people have the best intentions, and mean well when they say, "you will receive a placement one day," or "I know it will happen for you," and trust me, we still believe with our whole heart that God has called us to be parents, and one day that will happen.  However, God has convicted me to reexamine my focus and ask the question, "do I have my identity wrapped up in being a parent or is my desire to find my identity in Christ always".  He also has caused me to answer the question "will you love and trust me EVEN IF my plans for your life are not to be parents". Two hard questions that you always feel you know the answer to, but what if God chooses to not answer a prayer you have or fulfill a longing in your heart, because even though you feel it is the best thing for you, that it is not what He feels is best for you.

If you have ever seen the movie Facing The Giants, the main character and his wife are struggling with starting a family.  I remember watching this movie when it first came out, which was before Kelly and I ever started dating.  I had no idea that this one scene in this movie would become so real in my own life down the road.  I just saw this movie for the 1st time, since that time years ago, and this one scene has so much more of a powerful meaning now then it did back then.  This one clip started my process in examining this question of "even if" and how I would answer it.  Here is the clip to refresh your memory:

One day while I was working, I heard this amazing song, which hit this question right on the head.  It is by Kutless called "Even If".  Needless to say, I cried the 1st time I heard it.  I spent a lot of time in prayer and examing my heart to make sure my calling and focus in life is to serve God and to find my identity in Him and not in being a parent.  God has been so good to me and provided for all of my needs!  Even if He doesn't give me another blessing, I could never repay Him for all He has done for me and Kelly in our lives.  So this Thanksgiving I am thankful for the "Even If" in my life because even if we never receive a placement I will still trust, love, and follow my God because He knows what is best for me and loves me beyond anything I can ever comprehend!

So this Thanksgiving I am thankful for the "even if".  I hope in your own life if you are struggling with health issues, family issues, financial issues, whatever it might be, that you will examine the question "will you still love and trust God even if the healing never comes".  My God if faithful, all powerful, and loving and I am thankful for that.  Even if He never does another thing for me, He has already done more than I could ever comprehend by sending His son to give me eternal life. 

Happy Thanksgiving!
Lindsey